Australia’s Own Forgotten Royalty (Naked City)

The apparent success of the recent carefully promoted visit of Harry and Meghan proved that there is more to be gained from the cult of celebrity than any longtime reverence for the British Royal Family. It was the younger TikTok generation who flocked to their public appearances, lined the barricades and screamed out for selfies. Fame and a certain notoriety go hand-in-hand and once the mass media gets on board, a mild hysteria takes over. The real shame is that here in Australia we’ve had our own tradition of ‘royalty’ with Kings, Queens, Princesses and Princes, all sadly overlooked in preference for the often controversial and dead boring British lineage.

How could you possibly compare the frivolous toe-sucking Fergie and the disgraced former Prince Andrew with our own Prince Leonard, of Hutt River fame? Sure he was self-anointed and the Principality of Hutt River in Western Australia, a kind of bodgy micronation, but the man had cache.

Aussies loved the former wheat farmer with the wonky eye as he flogged his own stamps, currency and passports and campaigned during a 50-year struggle for independence from the Australian Government. Best of all he managed to rip off the Taxation Department of some $2.7 million in unpaid income taxes, abdicating a few years before his death in 2019 and leaving the whole goddam mess to his son and successor Prince Graeme. A true Aussie hero!

Victoria appears to have long held ‘Royal’ status over its major competitor New South Wales and that was certainly the case with the early days of TV transmission in the mid-1950s. One of its premier personalities was the 193cm leviathan Geoff Corke, the first person to be seen on Melbourne TV during a GTV test transmission in September of 1956. Geoff paid his dues as a regular on ‘In Melbourne Tonight’ with the acerbic Graham Kennedy as well as a sporting commentator and all-round TV presenter.

When Happy Hammond departed the ‘Tarax Show’, it seemed only fitting that the jovial Geoff took over, ascending to the title of King Corky, king of the kids. Complete with robes and a gold crown he was joined by his court jester, the ventriloquist dummy Gerry Gee. Sadly, after a long battle with ill health the gentle giant died in 1993 at the age of only 58.

Long before the advent of colour TV in Australia, the aptly named Princess Panda, was true showbiz royalty, if only in her adopted state of Victoria. Born Joan Dorothy Kelly in 1930 in WA she adopted the name Panda Lisner, moving from modelling in the late 50s to a ‘barrel girl’ on ‘In Melbourne Tonight’ with Graham Kennedy and as a regular on ‘The Happy Show’ with Happy Hammond.

With her trademark tiara, she soon became a household name, loved by kids and adults alike. No surprise then when she won a Logie in 1959, for TV Star of the Year – the first female winner of the award that would eventually become the Gold Logie.

What other country would ascribe royal status to a rather ramshackle bus, but that was the essence of the 1994 cult classic ‘The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert’. The lavender painted tour bus, nicknamed ‘Priscilla’, assumed an almost human character as it transported two drag queens and a transgender woman across the Australian outback. Regal anthropomorphism at its cult finest!

There have been a number of Australian rock and pop bands who have sort some kind of royal status or self-deprecating humour with ‘king’ in their name. King Parrot, Kings Of The Sun, King Brown and King Fox – to name just a few. In the late 60s and 70s, TV Week dished out a number of King and Queen Of Pop awards, the most notable being multiple winners Marcia Hines and of course John Farnham.

In the sporting arena ‘King Wally Lewis’ was arguably Queensland’s greatest ever Rugby League footballer. Apart from his numerous domestic victories, he also played 34 international tests for Australia, many of those as captain. Legend has it that the royal title was bestowed upon Wally prior to a State Of Origin Game by rival NSW player Ray Price, as a kind of niggling insult. Always rather humble, Wally was quick to deny the accolade, but the fans and the media loved it, and it soon became part of his persona.

With such a distinguished history of our very own home-grown Kings, Queens, Princes and Princesses it’s hard to fathom why we still play such attention to the archaic British monarchy, even allowing for our constitutional ties.

Personally I would rather spend an afternoon in the pub with our own delightful Princess Panda (if she were still alive) and good humoured King Wally, rather than someone like the haughty Princess Anne or the toffee nosed Royal adulterers Charles and Camilla.