THE NAKED CITY: LET’S HEAR IT FOR OZ MUSIC MEMORABILIA!

I have made mention before of the absurd prices that people are prepared to pay for so called rare and collectable items, like the ‘NSW 1’number plate. It apparently sold earlier this year for a staggering $11,505,000 plus a 7.5 per cent buyer’s premium. Equally crazy are the prices being asked for discontinued McDonalds plastic straws, probably the last thing many of us would consider collectable. One is currently offered on Ebay Australia for $8,000 with the endorsement:

“This fast food memorabilia is a must-have for those who appreciate the value of branded collectibles. Its mint condition, sealed packaging and rarity make it a unique investment opportunity that can only increase in value over time. Don’t miss this chance to own a piece of fast food history!”

At a time when so many Australians are struggling with the cost of living, the idea that somebody would fork out such huge amounts of money for what many consider essentially useless objects, is close to an obscenity. 

History tells us that many items that were considered highly valuable centuries ago are now deeply devalued. Maybe in a hundred year’s time you will find McDonald’s plastic straws in your local Op shop for $1 a piece and ‘NSW 1” on Gumtree for $50!

In the meantime, those with abundant amounts of cash continue to snap up objects of memorabilia and supposed historical significance for mind boggling amounts. A recently unearthed acoustic 12-string guitar, once owned by John Lennon, is the latest offering for those with an odd million or two to throw away. For that amount of money you would hope the pick is included.

Guitars once owned by dead but legendary rock stars continue to bring huge prices at auction. In 2020 Australian microphone tycoon Peter Freedman paid $A8.8 million for the guitar that Kurt Cobain played on MTV’s Unplugged performance, setting a world record at the time. 

ABC News reported Freedman as saying he was happy for the auction to go as “high as it needed to” adding “”I would have paid $40 million if I had to — I have a house, clothes and food, so what do I need the money for?”

While an Australian may have paid the highest amount for a recent piece of music memorabilia owned by an overseas artist, our local rock and pop artists don’t draw the same attention. Unless of course they are groups like AC/DC and the Bee Gees who have enjoyed considerable overseas success. 

You have to ask for example, do we undervalue the collectables associated with our own music industry compared to our much lauded sporting heroes. 

In 2021, cricketer Don Bradman’s 1928 Australian cap sold at auction for $450,000 but what would one of Slim Dusty’s Akubras bring today if it was offered to the public – obviously a whole lot less.

Keeping all this in mind I have assembled an imaginary auction of Australian music  memorabilia with the reserve prices purely a subjective appraisal on my part:

A ROLF HARRIS WOBBLE BOARD AND STYLOPHONE – $5.00

KYLIE MINOGUES ORGINAL AUTO TUNE PROCESSOR – $500.00

A HALF USED BOTTLE OF BLACK HAIR DYE ONCE OWNED BY NICK CAVE – $125.00

A SQUARE METRE OF DRUG INFESTED CARPET FROM LEGENDARY ROCK VENUE, THE MANZIL ROOM IN KINGS CROSS – $150.00

A GENUINE MCDONALDS PLASTIC STRAW ONCE USED TO SNORT COKE FROM THE INFESTED CARPET AT THE MANZIL ROOM – $1,000 (comes with a full toxicology report)

TWO CANCELLED TICKETS TO SPLENDOUR IN THE GRASS 2024 – $0.50

A BOOMERANG ONCE THROWN IN NEW YORK’S CENTRAL PARK BY TOURING AUSTRALIAN ROCKER JOHNNY O’KEEFE – $1000.00

SLIM DUSTY’S VERY FIRST AKUBRA – $5,000.00

SLIM DUSTY’S VERY LAST AKUBRA – $2.500.00

A REPLICA SET OF CHAD MORGAN’S TEETH – $200.00

A ‘FREE BEER FOR NUDES NIGHT’ POSTER FROM THE PETERSHAM INN, SYDNEY – $175.00

A PAIR OF MENS UNDERPANTS (size 34) AND JEANS LEFT BEHIND AFTER A FREE BEER FOR NUDES NIGHT AT THE PETERSHAM INN – $50.00

THE MUMMIFIED DEAD FISH FROM THE LITTLE EARHQUAKE MUSIC VIDEO ‘BRIGHTSIDE’’ — BANNED FROM YOUTUBE.

Okay, it’s all a bit esoteric but the sad fact is we have yet to produce the kind of million dollar rock memorabilia that sets the hearts of the filthy rich aflutter overseas. Surely there is something homegrown out there to rival a guitar once owned by Jim Hendrix or an Elvis Presley jumpsuit. It’s a national disgrace that a crappy plastic straw from McDonalds is worth more than a complete set of bright green wigs once worn by the Psychotic Turnbuckles. Shame!