Papa’s Got Some Brand New Showbags, Part II (The Naked City)

You might have seen a recent carefully choreographed item on the evening TV news where a group of young kids, labelled ‘showbag testers’, were let loose on a roomful of the 400 showbags on offer at the coming Royal Easter Show.

Most, we were told, were priced at under $10 and included many old favourites plus some exciting new additions.

Showbags or sample bags as they were originally known date right back to the early 1900s when various companies handed them out for free to promote their products. By 1928 many of the same companies realized their commercial potential and the bags were no longer gratis. By the 1950s no self respecting family would return from the Royal Easter Show without a half dozen or more bags, from Giant Brand Licorice to good old Bertie Beetle.

In the 60s and 70s the all paper bags were an attraction in themselves, brightly decorated with alluring designs. A decade later and plastic had largely taken over and somehow the bags had lost part of their magic.

Coffin Ed’s suggestions for new Royal Easter Show showbags

I’ve written before about introducing a whole new range of showbags for the Royal Easter, not just for kiddies but for adults as well. Here’s just a few suggestions:

The Peter Dutton Metamorphosis Bag: Comes with a plastic action figure of Peter Dutton plus a range of accessories that includes a tiny tube of instant face tan, a well manicured rug (i.e. hair piece), a MAGA cap, red tie, diaper and a set of mini golf clubs. Bingo, we have our own Donald Trump. There’s also a special postcard of endorsement from Gina Rinehart.

The Nothing But Sugar Bag: Yes it’s a real old favourite. Kids are going to be eating stacks of sugar anyway in the hundreds of candy bars on offer, so why not a bag that is simply a kilo of raw sugar plus a spoon to scoop it up. Not recommended for diabetics or children subject to hyper activity.

The Elon ‘Musk’ Stick Bag: Bound to be the most boycotted bag at the Show, even though it contains an assortment of old school musk sticks. When you have eaten those you get to fire off a mini SpaceX rocket, best kept for cracker night as it’s bound to burst into immediate fireworks.

The Trumpet Of Patriots Bag: Novelty bags have always been big at the Show, from mystery combos to Hello Kitty, and Clive Palmer is offering incredible value with this jumbo sized super bullshit bag. Needless to say there’s a big plastic trumpet, a fart blasting whoopee cushion, Clive’s own chocolate ‘Bluster Bar’, a MAGA cap and a 10% discount voucher for a cruise on Titantic II.

The Dental Care Bag: With all that sugar around it’s great to see a health and hygiene entry that encourages everybody to look after their teeth. There’s a tube of the old school striped toothpaste, a set of goofy Dracula fangs and a bag of denture shaped gummies. There’s also a comical T-Shirt that reads – “DENTIST SAID MY TEETH WERE GREAT BUT MY GUMS HAD TO COME OUT”.

The Fake Versace Bag: It seems nothing is real these days and fashion conscience teens will love this bag entirely full of fakes – fake shoes, fake watches and the biggest fake of them all – Donald Trump, with a poster suitable for the back of the door of an outdoor dunny. Unfortunately this bag comes with a 25% tariff.

And finally if the kids are demanding bag after bag, showing all the signs of rampant consumerism and a manic sugar addiction there’s the:

The Overcoming Disappointment Bag: It’s a sealed bag with the brightly coloured outside promising all kinds of goodies within. However when opened there’s absolutely nothing to be seen bar a photo of Ghandi with his famous quote “Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s needs, but not every man’s greed.” The kids will either throw an instant tantrum or have an epiphany and swear never to eat a Bertie Beetle again.