Immaculate – REVIEW

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the cinema to watch another movie starring Sydney Sweeney after co-starring in that debacle Madame Web, think again!

Her latest movie is the stinker of the year thus far that begs to ask, did Sweeney not read the script prior to signing on for the starring role? Did her talent management not dissuade her from participating in what may be the worst career choice that could potentially banish her from Hollywood forever?

Sweeney plays the role of Sister Cecilia, a young nun who is invited to join a convent in Italy after her parish closes down. From the beginning she senses things are amiss. What sinister secrets lurk behind the gates of this dark and mysterious convent?

The movie commences adequately, and interest builds as we see a nun trying to escape the convent and then facing her doom in a most macabre manner that may leave audiences feeling nauseous.

However, the movie quickly derails into a laugh-a-thon that merely makes a mockery of the Catholic Church. Imagine, Sweeney’s character is drawn into the convert as she is a virgin, and a priest wants to resurrect Jesus through an immaculate conception.

Does it get any worse? Of course it does! The pregnancy will transpire from DNA collected from the blood on one of the nails used in the crucifixion of Jesus Christ!

There are gory blood infused scenes and it’s worth the price of admission just to see the hysterical cat fight between two nuns in a bathtub. The highlight, however, is hearing these alleged ‘holy ladies of the cloth’ screaming out the four-letter swear word!

This movie has it all – killer nuns and psycho priests who collectively seem to break each of the ten commandments. Sadly, Catholic hymns are incorporated in the movie’s soundtrack and it’s a downright disgrace, especially that the traditional Roman Catholic prayer hymn, Ave Maria, was also played in the closing credits.

It must be pointed out that Sydney Sweeney did the best she could with the substandard material she was given to work with, and she must regret having participated after watching the final cut of this appalling film. However, she inadvertently proved what a fine actress she is and deserves an Academy Award for inconceivably keeping a straight face throughout.

“Thou shalt not use God’s name in vain” is one of the Ten Commandments – and that’s what the writers have done throughout the script.

“This is not God’s work!” is a line of dialogue which sums up this entire movie. It’s stupid and forgettable and God would turn in his grave if he watched this travesty which ultimately makes a laughing stock of the Catholic religion.

Final word: the meaning of immaculate is “free from mistakes; perfect”. Wrong title as there’s nothing immaculate about this movie…

★

In cinemas now