Vandals — Both Big and Tiny (Naked City)

Recently, two drunken British hoons who cut down the beloved Sycamore Gap tree in Northern England were sentenced to more than four years in prison. The iconic tree had survived for over 150 years and was a classic photo op for many tourists visiting the adjacent Hadrian’s Wall. It goes down as one of the most senseless acts of vandalism in the UK for many years.

Vandalism has been with us for centuries and the word derives from a Germanic tribe called The Vandals, incidentally the name adopted many years later by a rampaging Californian punk band. The original outfit were notorious for their destructive behaviour (hey, they just loved breaking things), in particular when they invaded and sacked Rome in 455AD.

Since then, there have been countless acts of what is often labelled vandalism, some in the name of social and political protest, others as a cultural statement, and many just for the hell of being stupid. 

In Australia, one of the most infamous examples took place in Perth just a few years ago. An iconic painting by renowned artist Frederick McCubbin, valued at over $3 million, was spray painted with a Woodside logo by a 37-year-old woman. The protest was against the company’s $50 billion mega-project on the Burrup Peninsula.  Even though the artwork was covered in perspex and emerged unmarked, the protestor was still charged with criminal damage and copped a sizable $7,500 fine.

Whilst prized museum and art gallery items are now relatively safe from acts of vandalism, outdoors is another domain. Sydney is covered in graffiti, especially parks, railway stations and other public facilities. Most of the clandestine artworks are crap, badly regurgitated imitations from the American hip hop school. Nothing is sacred to the spray can bombers and often legitimate works of street art are plastered with tags and other rubbish by those with no artistic ability whatsoever.

Large statues in Australia have traditionally done it tough, and not just from pigeon poo. For sheer weight of numbers Ballarat’s Botanic Garden holds the record — in early 2024, some twenty bronzes of Prime Ministers were attacked. There was even a dual beheading when the noggins from the busts of former PMs Kevin Rudd and Paul Keating were severed and stolen. 

Every now and then, an outdoor monument or artwork is erected in Australia that screams controversy and an invitational vulnerability. The most infamous has probably been Melbourne’s unfortunately named ‘Yellow Peril’ — once branded the most hated sculpture in Melbourne.

Originally installed in Melbourne City Square in 1980 it was moved three months later to the less prominent Batman Park and now resides outside the Australian Centre for Contemporary Art in Southbank. Needless to say it was a regular target for what we might term your more creative vandals, leaving such slogans as the legendary “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL”.

Although it probably should be branded softcore vandalism, I always enjoyed it when some mischief maker poured a whole bucket of detergent into the El Alamein Fountain in Kings Cross. The once maligned memorial became a bubble blowing behemoth as the soapy suds spread half way down Macleay Street.

Meanwhile in Mount Gambier the local council has attracted both bouquets and brickbats by commissioning a $136,000 outdoor artwork known as the ‘Blue Blob’. Referencing the area’s famous Blue Lake, it looks like a big loveable pregnant alien that has just emerged from those magic blue waters. Kids apparently love it but some of their more conservative elders are not too sure. One can only hope it is well protected with both CCTV and a vigilant public. Please, don’t dob on the blob!

But not all vandals are big strapping middle-aged lads like the now incarcerated British tree fellers. At a time when many Australians were outraged to see the Gap tree come down, ironically a far more insidious ‘vandal’ is destroying thousands of trees across this country. 

The Polyphagous shot-hole borer is a tiny beetle, not much bigger than a sesame seed. In recent years the rapidly spreading pest has been boring into trees in Western Australia with devastating effects. So far the death toll alone in Perth and surrounds is estimated at over 3,000 trees – many of them long standing Moreton Bay Figs and London Planes. 

Even worse is the news that there’s no current pesticide that can kill the invader without harming the tree and that they are heading our way. Sydney lookout, the vandal hordes are coming and it could be Rome 455 AD all over again!