The Sydney Royal Easter Show: Bring Back The Aspro Showbag! (Naked City)

The Sydney Royal Easter Show dates back to 1823 and has long been part of the cultural landscape of Sydney. Whilst the Royal Agricultural Society organises the event with the spotlight on livestock and produce, the Show embraces much more and is often a fascinating reflection of the times in which we live.

Look back through the years and you might be shocked to learn there was once a ‘N****r Boy’ liquorice showbag complete with a packet of N****r Boy cigarettes – racism combined with a real no-no for impressionable kids.

There was sideshow alley with the Pygmy Revue featuring the tiny Queen Ubangi and Jimmy Sharman’s Boxing Troupe, where any mug from the crowd could step forward and get a walloping. ‘Freaks’ were a familiar theme, with Chang the Chinese pinhead and Mexican Rose, the 344kg fat lady.

Thankfully that was way back in the 50s and 60s and we now live in much more enlightened times. Nevertheless the Show has a real knack of reflecting both what’s good in today’s community and unfortunately some of the less desirable features. Every year, nothing demonstrates that more than the plethora of showbags on sale.

Many of the baggies on sale at this year’s show have already been announced and the cynics would say there is an abundance of overpriced cheap plastic and sugary crap, all at inflationary prices. That’s a bit mean, as what the bags lack in value, they make up for in their sheer numbers with a record 418 this year.

Back in the 1960s there were around 35 to 40 on sale, and sadly, few of the iconic bags remain today — although I’m pleased to say the classic ‘Bertie Beetle’ is still with us.

So what about the bags we might like to see, or have dreamed about in some kind of weird nightmare?

I have made some suggestions in the past but here’s an updated version to tempt even the most reluctant and money savvy showgoer:

THE NOT-SO-WORLD-FAMOUS KYLE & JACKIE O BAG

In friendlier times their $30 bag was apparently a smash hit amongst Kiss listeners at the 2024 show. You got a pair of socks, a couple of plastic water bottles, a Kit Kat and a few other miserable items. But can it get any worse after their acrimonious breakup?

You betcha, and I’d love to see it back in 2026 complete with an hilarious whoopee cushion, a book of fart and poo jokes, a packet of edible condoms and an exclusive Kyle Sandilands T-Shirt which doubles as a children’s tent. Hey, you get all of that and they will even throw in a Kit Kat!

THE PERENNIAL ‘ALL SUGAR’ BAG’

It’s a longtime favourite and I found it hard to leave out. No fancy confectionary here – just two kilos of teeth rotting, diabetes inducing raw sugar with a plastic spoon or two to lick it all up. Comes with a humorous set of false dentures.

THE TRUMP ON THE GOLD COAST BAG

Here’s a hot promo item designed to generate interest in the proposed Trump Tower on the Gold Coast. Yes there’s your very own made in China MAGA cap, a Stormy Daniels body sponge and as many DVD copies of the ‘Melania’ doco that you can jam into it.

THE PAULINE HANSON ONE NATION SHOPPING BAG

One of Pauline’s most outstanding contributions to the good of the country was her rage against 25 cent paper shopping bags. No flimsy paper here as the bag is made of sturdy recycled underwear (donated by Barnaby Joyce) and contains a vile of Corey Bernardi’s nasty homophobic venom (don’t worry it’s only raspberry cordial). Hard core One Nation fans will be disappointed to learn there’s no ‘mock’ burqa included, but you do get an unlimited ‘pretend’ free air ticket for Gina Rinehart’s private plane.

THE POP A PILL BAG

If you were a tireless mum or dad dragging a bunch of over active kids around the showgrounds in the 1960s, and you’d left the Bex at home, there was one salvation. The ‘Aspro Bag’ contained a healthy dose of acetaminophen and the energy to load the offspring on the Ghost Train and relax for a much-needed ten minutes.

The ‘Pop A Pill’ is loaded with all manner of modern medicines, prescription free and guaranteed to give you that much needed pick up. There’s Nurofen, Panadol and even a 500ml energy drink to wash the whole lot down.

And finally, who knows what the immediate future presents, with turmoil in the Middle East and the subsequent rationing that could well occur in Australia? It’s more than likely you’ll need:

THE JOLLY JUMBO RATION BAG

It’s everything you might need to see out two or three weeks whilst the supermarket shelves are near empty. Included are a four pack of toilet rolls, two tins of back beans, three tins of SPAM, a six pack of Rise O Riso, a packet of Allen’s Snakes and voodoo doll of Donald Trump complete with a set of mini barbs.

And as a special treat there’s even a family size Kit Kat!