THE NAKED CITY: WOODSTOCK AT WINDSOR
He might have missed out on replacing the Queen on the Australian five dollar note but that’s the least of King Charles’s disappointments when it comes to his coronation in May. In what some hard core monarchists view as an act of cultural treason both Ed Sheeran and Adele have declined to appear at a lavish ‘after party’ concert at Windsor Castle. Whether it’s a snub, a political statement or they simply have better paying gigs on their itinerary, nobody seems to know – but it leaves the aging buffoon scrambling to fill the bill with the biggest names in UK showbiz.
The actual coronation in Westminster Abbey is bound to be a solemn, albeit dead boring affair, filled with the kind of pomp and splendour and shameless pomposity with which the British crown excels. The concert at Windsor Castle on the other hand is clearly designed to give the adulterous Charles and his one time mistress some vague relevance in 2023 – a reach out to the younger generation and the increasing number of Brits who would rather shower him with eggs than regal sycophancy.
With Ed and Adele out of the picture the organizers of the Windsor bash are no doubt searching high and low for big name talent. Anybody who has previously acknowledged the monarchy by accepting one of their ridiculous knighthoods could be on the short list – like Sir Mick Jagger, Sir Elton John, Sir Bob Geldof, Sir Paul McCartney and even the cantankerous Sir Van Morrison. Then there’s teenage heart throbs like the eventual Sir Harry Styles and a much threatened Spice Girls Reunion – both of whom would provide endless fodder for the tabloid press.
On the other hand, if Charles is serious about reaping any kudos and significance in what is likely to be a fairly short reign at the top, I’m suggesting a far more creative lineup for the posh Windsor Castle Glastonbury. Sid is no longer with us but the remnants of the Sex Pistols remain and I’m sure John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten) would jump at the piss-take opportunity to perform a retitled ‘God Save The King’ in front of thousands of self promoting A list celebrities.
Jimmy Savile was apparently not only a devoted monarchist but a long time confidant of the Royal Family and often got together with Charles to discuss his marital problems. It’s unfortunate he’s now burning in hell as he would have made a great drawcard MC. Not to worry as the ninety two year old Rolf Harris, admittedly not in the best of health, would see it as some kind of redemption if he got to compere the gig, complete with a wobbly old wobble board in hand. Even though we once claimed him as our own, he still has full British citizenship.
And speaking of redemption, surely it’s time that Prince Andrew is welcomed back into the front line dysfunction of the Royal Family. Last year in the UK, Channel 4 screened ‘Prince Andrew The Musical’ and a selection of songs from the latter would no doubt go down a treat especially if Andrew himself took the microphone – no sweat! It’s probably wishing too much but if Ghislaine Maxwell succeeds with her current appeal she could be flown direct to Windsor Castle for endless backstage photo opps and even a duet in the musical.
Back here in Australia, King Charles III is still our head of state and a legacy of British colonialism that rates with the importation of rabbits into this country (and their disastrous plague) by Thomas Austin in 1859. We still haven’t go rid of the rabbits (around 150 million at the latest count) and it’s taking us seemingly ages to ditch the monarchy. The only problem I have with the referendum for The Voice later in the year is that it does not include a vote on the inevitable republic.
The popular media here are still heavily invested in the British Royal Family as prolific content fillers, endless click bait and ratings winners. We will do doubt have both the coronation ceremony and the Windsor Castle Woodstock rammed down our collective gullets. If the Windsor gig is staged outdoors, all those good republicans can do is pray for rain, a tsunami of pelted eggs or a Sex Pistols reunion!
