THE NAKED CITY: THE GRUMPY GUIDE TO THE DAY OF ‘MOANING’
Image: Uncle Jack on $5 note mock up. Image: supplied
This Thursday is Australia’s official day of mourning for the late British monarch, marked by a somewhat snap public holiday. Great if you are on a fixed wage and want a day off from work, not so good if you run one of the many small businesses who depend on normal weekday operations. Meanwhile the Federal Government is flying millionaire horse trainers Chris Waller and Gai Waterhouse to London for the funeral and no doubt picking up most of the tab for the members of Albo’s sympathy junket.
Just what you are supposed to do on a ‘day of mourning’ is anybody’s guess and many Australians will see it as just an opportunity to throw in the following Friday and have a four day weekend. Thank God we don’t have a temporary introduction of lèse-majesté laws like Thailand. Imagine a scenario where the police and army were instructed to knock on everybody’s door, checking to see whether an element of grief prevailed, confiscating Xboxes and cancelling Netflix subscriptions in the name of an enforced solemnity.
It seems to me that there is more to ‘moan’ about on the day of mourning, than participate in the current absurd media driven frenzy that could well extend right through to the coronation of Charles, supposedly scheduled for early 2023. If the monarchy is your bag, then go ahead and exercise your right to mourn, but for those who long for an Australian republic, or simply despise the royals, here is a short list of things to moan about:
Let’s bemoan the fact that Prince Andrew was allowed to get his military uniform out of mothballs to wear at the final vigil, when an orange jump suit (the type he might be sporting if he ever set foot in American again) would have been more appropriate.
On the other hand, should we bemoan a lost opportunity on the part of the disgraced sex trafficker to regain public popularity by throwing a huge ‘Bunga Bunga” style wake at Buckingham Palace (entry via the back door). Thanks to a good friend J.K for that suggestion.
Should we be worried that Saint Kitts and Nevis, Belize and Antigua will probably beat us to the punch by ditching the monarchy like Barbados and hoisting the republican flag?
With Charles now the official head of the Church Of England, is there a concern that the seventh commandment will now be amended from “You shall not commit adultery” to “You shall not commit adultery – more than once”?
Let’s spend the day reflecting on the thousands who have lost their lives, including many young children, in Ukraine and Pakistan, than the loss of a ninety six year old great grannie who led a privileged and pampered lifestyle.
Can we bemoan the current situation where the majority of land in Australia is designated “crown land”, the property of the monarch, when First Nations people have occupied it for over sixty thousand years?
The ABC’s budget has been slashed but they still found the money to send Michael Roland and other presenters to London, dressed in immaculately tailored black suits. Apparently the wardrobe department had been stockpiling the expensive, appropriately sombre outfits for just this occasion. A quick trip to Kelly Country could have saved them thousands.
Finally I’m personally bemoaning that the face of the new king will soon adorn our currency. Having to look at the pompous dial of that boofhead whilst jangling a few coins is the best advertisement for a cashless economy or using a debit card. And if we do dump the Queen from the five dollar note let’s put a real First Nations Australian there in her place.
Happy moaning!
