THE NAKED CITY: STATUES OF LIMITATIONS

I have to admit that I have a strong prejudice against statues of famous people. It doesn’t matter if they have been erected to mark an historical contribution, a sporting achievement or as a piece of political propaganda, I loathe them all (well most of them anyway). They are often creepy, over bearing and always commissioned at great expense to the public purse. When a statue comes toppling down at the hands of angry protestors, regardless of what country is involved, I get an enormous buzz.

When the effigy of Saddam Hussein came crashing down in Baghdad’s Firdos Square in July of 2003, most of the world applauded, despite the awful legacy of the American invasion of Iraq. Similarly we have seen monuments to Confederate generals and slave owners falling like dominoes in the US, often decapitated by protesting blacks and whites alike. They are symbols of a violent repression that have stood defiantly for decades, regardless of the atrocities for which they were responsible.

In Sydney the statue of Captain Cook in Hyde Park has often been the target of paint attacks, daubed with slogans such as “No Pride In Genocide”. It’s now the object of considerable security, always ramped up around Australia Day. The monument was officially unveiled to the public in 1874, before a crowd estimated at 60,000 and is inscribed with the words “Discovered This Territory In 1970”. Needless to say that must enrage any First Nations people with an ancestry that goes back 60,000 years.

Maybe the Cook statue needs to be moved to the Powerhouse Museum and defined as a quaint historical relic like Harry’s Café de Wheels, rather than a celebration of colonialist triumphalism. It could also be used as a great educational item in warning school children against the spread of syphilis and gonorrhoea, which Cook is often accused of introducing to the Pacific via his grubby sex starved crew.

Elsewhere in Sydney the statues of Queen Victoria and her one time consort Prince Albert have graced the Hyde Park end of Macquarie Street since the late 1800s. They once poignantly faced each other, no doubt deep in conversation as to whether the Prince would be wearing his kinky ‘ring’ to the Royal chamber. (It’s rumoured that Albert had a urethra piercing to “assist the hang of his genitals within relatively tight trousers”).

In 1987 according to the Royal Historical Society, Queen Victoria’s statue was inexplicably turned ninety degrees so that it now looked down Macquarie Street and away from her beloved Albert – apparently a deliberate decision by Sydney City Council to make the Queen dominant and commanding over the subservient ring wearing Albert. When Australia eventually becomes a Republic may I suggest that both statues are ceremoniously melted down and the metal incorporated into a brand new coin celebrating our long overdue independence. Even the monarchists could be appeased with the knowledge that Queen Vic and her forever acquiescent  Albert have finally been reunited, albeit in a freshly minted alloy.

If you span the Monument Australia website ( monumentaustralia.org.au) you’ll find a comprehensive list of statues and monuments around the country. I have to admit there are some exceptions to my usual pathological hatred of often oversized bronze facsimiles. The statue of AC/DC front man Bon Scott in Fremantle certainly gets a thumbs up and somehow looks even more irreverent when it’s dripping in seagull and pigeon crap. The big six metre high Ned Kelly in Glenrowan brings a mixed reaction. He was after all a murderer and I can’t help wondering whether it’s really Mick Jagger (who starred as Ned in that rotten 1970 biopic) lurking behind that iconic armour.

There are far too many statues of sporting heroes in this country but I would definitely be keeping the statue of courageous Australian silver medallist Peter Norman that sits in Melbourne’s Albert Park. Norman was the third athlete pictured on the winners podium at the 1968 Olympics with John Carlos and Tommie Smith when their black power salute caused enormous controversy world wide. Despite savage criticism both home and abroad,  Norman stood behind them, wearing a badge of the Olympic Project for Human Rights in support.

Well maybe not all statues should be heading for the blast furnace but those that represent a bygone era of racism, colonialist domination and authoritarian evil should be off to the scrap yard today. Thankfully governments and councils around the country seem less inclined to blow taxpayers money on expensive memorial statues these days than a decade or more ago. The pigeons can find something else to shit on!