SUCKER PUNCH

This absolutely abysmal farce-of-a-film by the Hollywood cheese-master Zack Snyder (300, The Watchmen) flushes plot, character and logic down the toilet in favour of … um, I’m not sure. Shit? Sure, they’ve gone to the effort of dressing the shit up in knee-high socks, eyelash extensions and an ocean of fishnet, but still, you can’t hide the stink. It’s almost impossible to extricate a storyline out of Sucker Punch, but here goes … a young woman (Emily Browning) is institutionalised after accidentally killing her little sister instead of her deranged step-father. Woops! A lobotomy looms, and so Baby Doll escapes reality to a world where hookers have hearts of gold, go by names like Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish), Rocket (Jena Malone) and Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens), and are all rather mysteriously indentured by an evil moustachioed overlord Blue (Oscar Isaac). Cos if that’s not escapism, I don’t know what is! But never fear, Baby Doll has a secret power up her mini-skirt – the power to dance!  Writhing about takes the powerpuff girls on epic missions slaying dragons and WWII zombies, led by a craggy old koan-spewing game wizard (seriously, Scott Glenn is literally credited as ‘Wise Man’.) Yadda yadda yadda, fight sequence, blah blah blah sexy-dancing on a table, and 110 long minutes later, the end. Honestly, if I’d known what Sucker Punch had in store for me, I’d have picked the lobotomy.  (AB) NO STARS!