NAKED CITY: TWINKIES, TWONKIES & THE YEAR THAT WAS!

The Best And Worst of 2012

Choice Magazine might have the ‘Shonkies’ but for decades, here at the Naked City, we have doled out the ‘Twonkies’ for both the very best and the very worst of the year that’s just gone by. Each year the actual gongs, most of which always remain uncollected, take on a different size and shape, befitting of a particular item or event highlighted during the past 12 months.

This year, and it’s no surprise to many, the Twonkie comes in the shape of a Twinkie, the much lamented sugary American snack cake, which seemingly has ceased production with the bankruptcy of Hostess Brands (the good folk who also brought you Ding Dongs and Ho Hos). Whilst the Twinkie was never really marketed in Australia its global demise is symptomatic of the disappearance of so many items we loved and cherished, right back to our childhood – like Polly Waffles, Choo Choo Bars, Darrell Lea shops etc. etc. etc.

So here we go with a fresh batch of tasty sponge filled Twonkies awarded for the very best of 2012.

The Richard Dawkins Folk Art Prize : To the Spanish woman Cecilia Gimenez who made worldwide headlines after she botched a restoration of a religious fresco turning Jesus Christ into a monkey.

Gag of the Year: Obama’s joke on the Jay Leno tonight show regarding Donald Trump’s constant search for his birth certificate? Obama quipped, “This all dates back to when we were growing up together in Kenya.”

International Band of the Year (Unlikely to be Touring Australia Next Year): Pussy Riot.

Archaeological Find of the Year: A well thumbed-through, waterlogged copy of Fifty Shades of Grey found buried in the meat department of an unnamed Coles Supermarket.

The Pink Twonkie: Aka the Barbara Cartland award for prolific literary output awarded to the late Robert G Barrett, nicknamed Barbara for that very reason.

Dinner For One Award: To the Oceanic Café in Elizabeth Street which has defied rampant urban modernisation and culinary fads, still serving a basic meat and three veg.

As Seen in Rake Award: The Piccolo Bar in Kings Cross was reborn with dutiful fanfare and long shall it fly the one remaining flag of Bohemia.

And now – for the very worst of 2012, here’s another batch of decidedly stale, botchalism-filled Twonkies, well past their used-by date:

The Bat Free Botanic: The decision to finally rid the Botanic Gardens of the much loved colony of flying foxes by driving them out with hideous loud music was cruel and uncalled for – equally so the rumoured choice of offending CDs by Nick Cave and Kylie Minogue.

Jackboot in the Mouth: Alan Jones’ shocker regarding Julia Gillard’s dad, “dying of shame” and his subsequent square-offs.

The Kings Cross Festival: Next year to be held on Cockatoo Island to further distance itself from the sordid but lively reality of Darlinghurst Road.

Disappointment of the Year: Stuff those Mayans! The world was supposed to go kaput December 21. We rushed out and bought a 55 inch plasma on credit and now we’ll be paying it off until 2017.