NAKED CITY: TARDIS OR DUNNY?

Staggering news this week that the City of Sydney Council may well trial a radical urinal design as part of a plan to revitalise the city after dark. The Dr Who like pop up pissoir can be activated at the press of a button, arising out of nowhere like some kind of weird alien invader.

The “Urilift”, which is the polite manufacturers name, has been in use in Europe for a number of years, where it is often activated at a crucial hour from nearby bars or public monitoring facilities. After it has served its purpose in the “wee” small hours, it can be discreetly lowered during daytime when the call of the bladder is obviously not so intense.

Here at the Naked City we do find the concept novel but would insist that certain OH&S measures be in place before the trial is undertaken here. Obviously some kind of warning siren should sound when the “Urilift” is about to erupt from the ground, and unlike those devious water spouts at Taylor Square, patrons would not be caught unawares – suddenly finding themselves two metres off the ground impersonating a statue of Queen Victoria.

Likewise warning should be adequate when the pop up portaloos are about to descend. The idea of being secreted underground for some 15 or more hours, like in a kinky bondage burial, might appeal to some but not the mainstream.   Then again the idea that this kind of now you see it, now you don’t technology be applied more widely is certainly something to ponder.

And speaking of burials the high cost of funerals could well be offset by a series of credit card activated internment tubes. Situated sympathetically in public parks or other peaceful situations family and relatives could farewell their loved ones by simply placing them in these coffinless tubes and watching them descend gracefully into the ground where an underground network of tunnels would see them whisked away for a quick cremation. With 24-hr access burials would be quick, devoid of the usual theatrics and accessed at the push of a button.

The tubes could also be used to snare feral cats and rats, grazing blissfully on tasty titbits as  they slid silently into the ground  and eventual capture. Of course there is also a sinister side and should ASIO or some similar Government authority gain access they could easily be used to render dissidents, CIA style, straight off the street. One minute you are going for a quite piss in Taylor Square, the next minute you’re in Guantanamo Bay!

THE HIT LIST: It’s back by popular demand for its third season at the Bordello Theatre in the Kings Cross Hotel and little wonder. Vashti Hughes brilliant one woman performance piece, “Mum’s Inn – Stories From Razorhurst”, recalls the infamous razor gang era in Sydney during the 1930s when sly grog, prostitution and cocaine flooded the East Sydney underground. The season must end soon and this is one show you should definitely not miss. This Sunday from 5pm-7pm at the Kings Cross Hotel, 248 William Street – Bookings from mumsin.com.au or tickets the door