NAKED CITY: PAPA’S GOT A BRAND NEW SHOW BAG!

Jolly Jumbo Licorice Bags, the Maori Troubadours and the Pigmy Revue – now all distant memories of the halcyon days when the Royal Easter Show held court in the former Sydney Showground at Moore Park. All that changed in 1998 when the event moved to the somewhat soulless Olympic Park at Homebush and much of the old style cultural kitsch was left behind.

The Show has never been cheap for the average family but these days can end up costing an arm and a leg especially if the kiddies insist on buying as many sample bags as they can physically carry. Many years ago these bags were actually given away as the big manufacturers of the day vied to promote their various products. There were miniature packets of washing powder, tiny cakes of soap and chocolate bars the size of a matchbox – with not a plastic gun or G.I. Joe in sight.

These days there’s a show bag for just about everything that is commercially viable and some time ago we ran a list of bags we would like to see – an injection of new ideas and concepts into the endless array of kiddie-bating crap. Remember “The Tony Abbott Everything Is Bullshit Bag”? It came with the collected works of Ian Plimer, a travel guide to Nauru, a tube of Tinea Cruris Cream, an inflatable Margaret Thatcher doll and a pair of manky old speedos for your pet dog to chew on. We’re pleased to say it’s back again this year with the added bonus of a scary eye-popping Lord Monckton mask.

Also on sale this year we would love to see:

The Barry O’Farrell Junior Archer Bag: Just the thing when the hunting season is declared open in national parks across the State later this year. Suitable for twelve year olds and over, the bag comes complete with bow and arrows, an inflatable feral pig, a fits all sizes Rambo t-shirt and a whistle to alert bush-walkers that you are on the rampage.

The Clover Moore Laneway Bag: Turn any unused space between two mundane buildings into an exciting environment with this creative and innovative bag. Contains half a dozen Chinese lanterns, some stick-on Banksy graffiti and a sign that reads SMALL BAR OPEN NOW. It might not be Melbourne but with the funky laneway bag you’ll almost think you are there!

The Kings Cross Booze Bag: There’s no endorsement from the AHA but the KC Booze Bag is just the thing for a night of frenzied sculling in the Cross. With half a dozen shot glasses, a fake ID and a t-shirt that reads “I’m With Stupid”, the reinforced bag can also be worn directly around the neck, perfect to stop that 4.00am chunder spilling directly down your jeans.

The Julia Gillard Lucky Dip Bag: There’s surprises galore in this gooey marshmallow bag as kiddies are encouraged to dip in deep and assemble their own Parliamentary Cabinet. It’s sticky and messy but every bag is different and there are more combinations that a Rubik’s Cube. Turn it inside out for a smiling Kevin Rudd mask or just shake it up to reveal an even more puzzling combination. When everything fails just eat the goddam lot!

The Hit List: There’s an embarrassment of choice with music over the coming long weekend, especially with the number of Bluesfest sideshows and touring acts in town. This Thursday sees the remarkable Music Maker Blues Revue play Blue Beat in Double Bay featuring the incredible Ironing Board Sam. The mercurial Jeff Duff is back at the Basement on Easter Saturday with his all star combo and the Playing For Change band play the Factory Theatre on Easter Monday.