NAKED CITY: Here Comes The Cock-O-Rail!
What a week it’s been in Sydney – a week in which the powers to be have called for the extinction of arguably two of this city’s greatest assets and popular tourist attractions. Yes we are talking the beloved Monorail and the marauding cockatoos of Potts Point and Elizabeth Bay!
Love it or hate it (and yes most people loathe it), the now creaky old Monorail has snaked its insidious way around the streets of Sydney for what seems like an eternity – a journey to nowhere and apart from a few scenic moments across the old Pyrmont Bridge, a most disappointing view of rusty shop awnings and endless traffic congestion. The Lord Mayor Clover Moore has made no secret of the fact that she would love to tear the “Mono” down and carpet the streets with wall to wall light rail.
True it’s probably seen better days and Clover will eventually have her way in overseeing its total obliteration (along with the much loved Woolies Building at Town Hall) but there are some like ourselves who can see past the its aesthetic shortcomings and complete lack of purpose. Surely the Mono has paid its dues over the years, with millions enjoying its absurdist purpose and minimalist sensations. Goddam the whole thing is brilliant metaphor of modern life, just going round and round in circles and getting absolutely nowhere – forget the Biennale, this is real art!
Which brings us to the imminent cull of those pesky building eating sulphur crested cockatoos at Potts Point and environs. It’s been argued that if they’d been gnawing away at the public housing estate in Woolloomooloo nobody would have given a damn. Killing them seems an extreme reaction and why not simply trap them and exile them to some remote Pacific destination – like Nauru where they could make a valuable contribution to the phosphate industry.
The solution to both these problems is quite simple and we’d like to propose a solution that will save both the “Mono” and those loveable cockies – and in years to come be cherished as an icon of this city to rival both the Opera House and the Devonshire Street tunnel. “The Cock-O-Rail” could become this city’s first mobile aviary with each of the carriages full of gangs of cockatoos rescued from the proposed Potts Point cull. Seed and water would be provided for the birds and their guano (that’s birdshit for the initiated) harvested to provide a unique bio fuel to keep the aged Mono moving.
Tourists and Sydneysiders would delight in interacting with the birds by providing them with old window sills and rubble from the Woolworths demolition to exercise their beaks. The talkative birds could also be trained to deliver to a wry and at times sarcastic commentary on the state of the city as the Mono looped its way around town. Hello Cocky!
