THE NAKED CITY with Coffin Ed, Jay Katz and Miss Death

OPRAH’S  LOW  RENT  ALTERNATIVE

Cynicism is rife about the impending visit of Oprah Winfrey and the publicity it will generate for the Australian tourist dollar. For an outlay of a mere $6 million the powers to be assure us that over $100 million of exposure will be generated in the US alone.

Well – we all know it’s going to be a highly staged managed event with Oprah’s producers calling the shots and every aspect of it manipulated to give US TV audiences a taste of warm and fuzzy euphoria, down under style.

Whilst it will never happen we would love to see Oprah embark on an alternative tour of Sydney that shows this city and the country at large for all its warts and all glory and is free from the sanitizing of TV producers and government bureaucrats.

Instead of a five star hotel suite Oprah and her entourage could spend her first night in Sydney sleeping rough with the city’s homeless highlighting the fact that a city as affluent as Sydney spends millions on a useless cycle path but can find very little to provide shelter for the homeless.

The next morning Oprah could lead a cockatoo cull in the Haymarket highlighting our appalling record when it comes to protecting native species. Dead kangaroos and wombats could be placed strategically along Dixon Street with Oprah confiding cheerfully to her millions of US viewers that, “These Aussies love their road kill as well”.

It’s been suggested that Oprah’s Sydney guests will be no different from the predictable list of Australian celebrities that have appeared ad nauseam on her US show – Nicole, Keith, Russell, Hugh etc. Come on now we can do better than that. How about a real grab bag of local intellects, colourful characters and bona fide eccentrics to really spice up the chat segments. We’d be short-listing Miranda Devine, Ernie Sigley, Pauline Hanson, Bob Katter, Steve Fielding, Darryl Somers, Roger Rogerson, John Ibrhaim and Humphrey B Bear not to mention the guy with the comb over that does the Godfrey’s commercials. Any of the above would be better than Oprah’s favourite celebrity chef Curtis Stone explaining how you can cook up a damper and kangaroo cutlets for less than ten dollars from any Coles supermarket.

Once the TV broadcast was out of the way Oprah could celebrate with a pie at Harry’s and then ceremoniously swing the first sledgehammer at the demolition of the block in Redfern. A quick whip around the city’s burgeoning $2 shops to pick up a few souvenirs and, she would be jetting back to the US, experiencing all the thrills of a Qantas white knuckle ride rather than the comparative safety of her own personal jet.

THE HIT LIST: The Strides are celebrating the festive with a massive Sensi Reggae Party at the Basement from 9pm until late on Friday 3 December along with the pumping Firehouse crew. If reggae, dub dancehall and other rootsy sounds are your bag this is definitely a gig not to miss.