THE NAKED CITY: VIVA LAS PIG’S ARSE
Image: Vintage Las Vegas
The subconscious mind can often play cruel tricks, especially when it comes to dreams or, more specifically nightmares. Given some of the more publicised events of the last few weeks I’m not surprised I recently had the kind of bad dream that lingers in your mind for days after. Somehow I found myself in Westminster Abbey where DJ Albo was hosting a karaoke session with Nick Cave and Lionel Ritchie, smack dab in the middle of the wretched coronation.
Whilst I’m forever humming “All Night Long” in the back of my head, I’m pleased to say the visual impact of the coronation circus has all but dissipated. I only caught a few glimpses of the TV coverage but both Charles and Camilla looked totally ridiculous in their pompous regal garb as did the rest of the royal family. If the religious and ceremonial hocus pocus of crowning two adulterers was not enough for you, the site of the seldom seen Mounted Band Of The Household Cavalry was straight out of Monty Python. On an OHS level alone, playing a trombone whilst riding a horse is not something I would recommend to even the most devout monarchist.
Whilst there is continuing talk about Australia’s identity as a country it will forever be besmirched whilst we play lip service to this regal hogwash, with the PM swearing allegiance to a relic of colonialist oppression. We should be able to carve out our own history without any nod or commitment to a family of bludging foreign parasites.
On a different level, but still a question of identity, the chairman of the Australian Rugby League commission Peter V’landys was off to Las Vegas last week to set up the opening game of the 2024 season in Sin City. Nothing out of the ordinary, you might think, as all the Australian football leagues have organized showcase games overseas as a means of promoting their brand in previous years.
Taking a couple of League teams to Las Vegas would seem a costly exercise, even allowing for sponsors and TV rights but the thinking is that it will promote the game to a US audience and also open up the opportunities for sports betting there. The reality is that Americans care about baseball, basketball and their version of football – nothing else! Even soccer, which is clearly the world game, takes a back seat in the US. Rugby WHO?
You can’t help think that it’s a kind of cultural cringe, relocating a rugby league game in Vegas – a city synonymous with gambling, sex and boozy end of season footy holidays. It’s also the home of one of America’s worst mass shootings when, in 2017, Stephen Paddock killed 61 people and wounded another 413, firing 1000 odd rounds from his room in the Mandalay Bay Hotel into an adjoining music festival.
Glitz and glamour in a neon wonderland and the chance to catch Wayne Newton warbling “Danke Schoen” at Caesar’s Palace – why wouldn’t you chose Las Vegas to show the yanks what real body contact football is all about? Strangely this possible move comes at a time when Rugby League in Australia is enjoying record popularity with a resurgence in crowds following the Covid years and the addition of a brand new team in the Dolphins.
Why then, when the game is enjoying so much success at home would you take even a single match to this tacky tourist town. The League has always demonstrated that it’s keen to promote the game in PNG and throughout the Pacific so why not stage one of the opening games in this precinct.
Whilst certain sections of the population here are reluctant to sever ties with the UK and its monarchy, other Australians still subscribe to the need for cultural and sporting validation in the US. We love the local actors and musicians who have made it big in the US, with success at home not awarded quite the same adoration. It’s not hard to see the similarity between the monarchists and the cultural cringers.
Maybe the Australian Rugby League could reverse the tables and bring Las Vegas to Sydney for the opening games. After all we’ve got the slot machines and a dodgy casino, a little bit of neon here and there and plenty of both legal and illegal knock shops. Wayne Newton is eighty one but with his multiple facelifts he still looks sixty five. Imagine a medley of “Advance Australian Fair”, “The Star Spangled Banner” and “Danke Schoen” at the opening game at Accor. And if Souths are playing, DJ Albo would be an essential!
