THE NAKED CITY – HERE COME THE PARTY CRASHERS!
If you have a lazy few thousand dollars to spare, anybody who meets the basic requirements can throw their hat into the ring for the upcoming Federal Election by standing for the House of Reps or Senate. You’ll need a few thousand more to register your own political party, but the cost is relatively low given the chance to wield some real political clout.
Already such noteables as Derryn Hinch and Angry Anderson have announced their candidacy, and who knows what other luminaries will surface on the July 2 ballot paper. The human headline has started his own ‘Justice Party’, campaigning on a range of issues from a public register of sex offenders through to voluntary euthanasia. Angry Anderson, who flirted with National Party endorsement at the State level in 2015, has now moved farther to the right as a senate candidate for the anti-Islam Australian Liberty Alliance.
It’s no surprise anti-immigration and anti-Islamisation parties are bound to be in vogue with the latest to join the throes, the ‘Love Australia Or Leave’ party, which evokes old style patriotism and a range of policies aimed at getting the “country back”. They are currently applying to register a logo which features a map of Australia stamped with the word ‘FULL’. Joining them, particularly on the Senate ballot, will be the usual mish-mash of minor parties from the Jacqui Lambert Network through to the Australian Sex Party.
Overall you’d have to say, the current lineup lacks any real good old Australian zaniness, the brand of wackiness promoted by the now defunct ‘Deadly Serious Party’ of the 1980s. whose policies included a plan to dispatch a flock of killer penguins to protect Australia’s coastline from Argentine invasion. Whilst it might be too late to get your own political party up and running prior to July 2, here are a few suggestions for parties we would really love to see:
THE PARTY LIKES IT’S 1999: An obvious tribute to Prince but also a call for a return to the halcyon days of the 1990s when Australian night life was not suffocated by over-regulation, lockout laws and sniffer dogs at every railway station.
CLIVE PALMER’S DINOSAUR PARTY: PUP is dead as Clive announces a new party to cater for anybody way past their ideological used by date. The party promises to put a life size dinosaur in every school in Australia as part of a plan to educate all kids on the Jurassic era. Sure, it’s all a ploy to flog off his collection of motley dinosaurs from the Coolum Resort, but when did politics and business ever stop mixing?
THE MOTOR MOWING ENTHUSIASTS PARTY: Campaigning for the lifting of all noise restrictions on domestic mowers and leaf blowers and the right to mow your cherished front lawn even at 3.00am in the morning.
MARK LATHAM’S MAN BOOB ALLIANCE: After his recent cheap shot at Bill Shorten’s man boobs, Mark Latham re-enters the political arena with a party that promises free Cosmo Kramer style ‘bros’ for all men suffering the indignity of male boobies, including Mark himself.
THE DINKI DI RECLAIM AUSTRALIA LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT ULTRA NATIONALIST AUSSIE OI OI OI PATRIOTIC FRONT: Sure it’s a mouthful, but it’s bound to catch your eye on the ballot paper, even though their hidden agenda is declaring Australia the 51st state of the US should Donald Trump become president and building a wall along the entire east coast to keep New Zealanders out.
