The Federal Election Is May 3 – LET THE BUNFIGHT BEGIN! (The Naked City)

With the federal election finally announced for May 3, there’s still time to get on the ballot as an independent candidate – if you are so politically motivated.  

It will be a scramble to lodge the appropriate paperwork and you’ll need to fork out a $2000 deposit, refundable if you are actually elected to the House of Reps or Senate. Nevertheless, every election there are a swag of indie candidates, the majority of whom have no chance of ever making it to Canberra.

Their preferences do count, of course, and often their inclusion on the ballot is a political statement rather than a genuine aspiration. 

The $2000 slug is obviously a preventive measure to stop every Tom, Dick and Harriet stretching the ballot slip to toilet paper dimensions. Democracy comes cheaper in the UK, where a mere $950 will get you a run at political stardom.  

In recent years, there have been a rash of so-called ‘joke’ candidates including Count Binface, Elmo from Sesame Street, and some might even say Boris Johnson. 

One of the more interesting joke candidates has been the AI chatbot ‘Steve’, complete with an AI-generated face. As bizarre as it might first appear, it’s perhaps a predictor of what could well occur in the not-too-distant future. You can talk to your elected chatbot 24/7, they’re guaranteed to remain scandal-free, and can be democratically terminated with a tap on your computer. 

Back in Australia it’s the Senate seats that have long been a target of minority and spoof parties. It’s no secret that the 2022 election was a triumph for minor parties and independents, and for the first time both Labor and the Coalition were outpolled by the combined vote of the minor parties and indies.  

This coming election will no doubt see another rash of micro candidates and parties – the likes of The Sex Party, The Marijuana Smokers Rights Party, The Animal Justice Party and Clive Palmer’s shameless MAGA rip-off, Trumpet of Patriots. 

‘Single policy’ parties have had some success, — in 2013, Ricky Muir from the Australian Motoring Enthusiasts Party (AMEP) scraped into the last Victorian Senate seat with a manifesto based solely on road safety and the rights of four-wheel drive vehicle owners. 

But his Canberra stay was short-lived: he ran out of petrol at the 2016 election, following a double dissolution at the time. He then joined the Shooters, Fishers and Farmers Party in 2017, followed by an unsuccessful stint at state politics in Victoria. 

If the last federal election is any indication, part of the battle will be fought on the streets, with posters and billboards spruiking a particular candidate. The vandalising of campaign posters reached ugly extremes during that election with swastikas applied to the posters of both Jewish and non-Jewish Greens candidates. 

We have already seen Peter Jordan, the husband of Teal MP Monique Ryan, caught on camera and shamed on national TV after removing a sign supporting opposing Liberal candidate Amelia Hamer. Surprisingly, unlike other countries around the world, defacing campaign posters is not a crime under our current Electoral Act. 

If you are caught taking a spray can to the poster of your least favourite political candidate, your local Council has the option of fining you – but they seldom do so. The perpetrators are of course rarely caught, and run-of-the-mill graffiti is so prevalent, it would amount to even more scrutiny and paperwork. 

The local council is more than likely to rip down posters on lamp posts or trees advertising local music gigs. If it’s for a state or federal election, they are inclined to turn a blind eye, regardless of their own set of regulations governing political display material.  

Throughout NSW, various councils have drawn up their own set of rules regarding campaign posters with some curious inclusions. For example, The Blue Mountains Council insists posters can only remain up to a week following election day – just enough time for recriminations! Meanwhile Tweed Shire Council has a blanket ban on any such propaganda including trees, roadsides, footpaths and public spaces, as well as any placement that could be considered a hazard for motorists.  

Does that include a large portrait poster of Peter Dutton? The bunfight continues!