OMGWTF@$$?? NUTRITION EDITION

Tastes like…justice

Sydney punk legends Frenzal Rhomb once released an awesome EP titled Dick Sandwich. It was a flavoursome number but perhaps not suited to all tastes.

Suited to even fewer tastes was the sandwich prepared by Delaware County Deputy Joseph M. Cantwell. It wasn’t actually a dick sandwich, but a bologna sandwich that he fed to a prisoner under his care – after wiping it on another inmate’s intimates.

For the offence – photographed by another prison guard who also lost his job – Cantwell entered a plea deal. In return for pleading guilty he was fined $500 and given a 90-day suspended prison sentence to be served should he violate the additional five years’ probation imposed by the court.

The Columbus Dispatch reports that Cantwell ‘apologized’, saying: “I’m really heartfelt sorry for the shame and embarrassment I caused everyone linked to this incident, especially my fellow deputies and the sheriff.”

Amazingly, the apology makes no mention of the prisoners who, again, Cantwell appears to have given dick.

His defense attorney, Jonathan Tyack, said: “the incident was blown out of proportion and it was a prank, but I also understand why people are upset”.

Why were people so upset? Perhaps Cantwell didn’t bring enough dick sandwiches for everyone. Perhaps he gave them Emile instead of a snack. Perhaps Bologna already has enough mystery meat.