Of ‘absence management’, ‘positive psychology’ and other corporate gibberish …

When news reached John Robertson that Eddie Obeid had allegedly conspired with a bunch of mates to rip off the public purse to the tune of hundreds of millions, the leader of Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition in the NSW Parliament found the revelation “shocking”.

I was reminded of the famous scene in Casablanca when Claude Rains, playing Vichy police captain Louis Renault decides to close Rick’s bar.

Rick [Humphry Bogart]: How can you close me up? On what grounds?

Captain Renault: I’m shocked, shocked, to find that gambling is going on in here!

[a croupier hands Renault a pile of money].

Croupier: Your winnings, sir.

Captain Renault: [sotto voce] Oh, thank you very much.

[aloud] Everybody out at once!

Of course there’s no suggestion that Robertson received a cut of the action, but if he really was shocked by the revelations pouring out of the Royal Commission, he must be the most naïve person in NSW – which argues that he’s unqualified to lead the Opposition or even to be in politics at all.

And this, of course, is the ALP’s problem. Such is the public instinct, that nobody else was shocked. The public perception was that the factional powerbroker was, as the Sydney Morning Herald put it, “building a business empire from the back bench”.

But one small aspect of the Herald’s coverage of the sprawling Obeid estate caught my eye. According to Linton Besser and Kate McClymont, “the Obeids had a hidden interest in a health company called Direct Health Solutions” and they went on to reveal that “[Michael] Costa confirmed Obeid had asked him when he was finance minister to hold meetings with its representatives, and the company went on to collect thousands of dollars in contracts with state government agencies”. There was no word on who the DHS representatives were.

Ah yes, “preventative health” companies. This old gumshoe has investigated almost as many of them as he has insurance fraudsters. The shonky ones aren’t the sort of scam where you pay up-front for a new kitchen and then never see the tradie again. It’s more that you fork out big bikkies in the hope of avoiding some corporate pitfall that may or may not happen, but when it doesn’t happen you’re never going to be able to prove that what you payed for helped avoid it.

They call it “corporate wellness”and it’s a huge hit in corporate environments where some ambitious middle-management jerk who knows nothing about anything much because he’s only got an MBA is responsible for ticking all the government OH&S boxes and he’s got a budget to do it. You give him a nicely-bound, “management plan”– supposedly written just for his company – to show his bosses, and an electronic newsletter that tells him that smoking is bad, exercise and fresh food are good, and that the employees should cultivate a positive attitude and consult their physician regularly. He might even get an invite to a health industry conference with canapés.

I googled Direct Health Solutions. There was a slick website with the usual ‘client login’ thing on the right-hand side. It seems that DHS is mostly into “absence management”, which is corporate-speak for discouraging sickies. Missing was the usual ‘our people’ page with posed photos of the firm’s principals and some impressive CVs. You had to dig around a bit to find a name. It turned out DHS’s spokesman (and the owner of its name and logo) is one Paul Dundon, and he boasts a business degree from Trinity College Dublin.

Paul has been rather visible of late. In fact he’s the media’s go-to guy for absenteeism stories. Over recent months he’s been quoted on the ABC’s World Today, and even in The Sydney Morning Herald itself. His regular and preposterously young features have graced an article in The Australian, which is terrific publicity for DHS. Paul told the Oz sickies are costing the economy $35 billion a year. Scary, but how can you calculate these things anyway? One thing’s for sure, if it’s that much, the NSW Government can afford to pay DHS whatever they’re asking to bring the bugger under control.

For some reason, governments buy a lot of “corporate leadership” consultancy too. Coincidentally, located at the same Rangers Bay address as DHS, is a mob called Optium (“Performance Through People”). They seem to be a bunch of lady consultants who “deliver programs based on the latest research and evidence-based practices in the field of positive psychology and business wellbeing”. Optium “has a specific focus on developing strengths based cultures, positive leadership impact, psychological wellbeing, resilience, and coaching for performance practices” – whatever all that means. Their website carries the logos of various big corporate clients and the NSW Government.

• More Nick Possum at brushtail.com.au