NAKED CITY: PARTY LIKES THERE NO TO MAYA!

Although it’s now said to be a quote concocted by SMH journalist Neil Jillett let’s run with the original folklore when remembering Ava Gardner’s famous remark on the set of the apocalyptic movie On The Beach whilst filming in Melbourne during the late 1950s. It was something along the lines of, “This is a film about the end of the world and I couldn’t think of a better place to make it.”

Well that was long before that sprawling behemoth called Crown Casino erupted like a massive boil on the banks of the Yarra. However should the Mayan prophecy be fulfilled and the world as we know it come crashing down on Dec 21, let’s hope Crown and its Sydney equivalent, the equally hideous Star, are the first to feel the wrath of Armageddon. Unless you are a bona fide compulsive gambler it’s unlikely that you would seek sanctuary in either, particularly if you attach some pseudo religious significance to the Mayan prediction.

You might on the other hand travel to Bugarach in the French Pyrenees, a tiny town which has been assigned by doomsday cultists as the only place on Earth to survive the impending catastrophe – both to the joy and horror of many Bugarachians. Some of the local folk are shamelessly cashing in, flogging grossly overpriced accommodation and bottles of judgement day spring water, whilst others are aghast that their town will be overrun by wealthy American survivalists.

Back in Australia we are a bit perplexed, not only at the apparent apathy surrounding the Mayan predictions but at the failure of the usual entrepreneurs to cash in. Sure there is a smattering of day of reckoning foam parties scheduled and Harvey Norman may still stage a special midnight sale. Yet there are plenty of Aussie country towns that are doing it tough and we thought at least one of them would do a Bugarach and declare itself the only safe haven on the continent.

Whether it’s Bong Bong, Grong Grong or Birdsville, it wouldn’t take much to do a “Marree Man” and entice doomsdayers to the local motel, pub and bowlo for the weekend charging exorbitant rates for a middie and a snag sanga. A tacky AC/DC tribute band flown in from Sydney to play Highway To Hell, a few Mayan inscriptions daubed on the side of the local CWA Hall and some ritual bloodletting at a temporary abattoir – and the ambience would be complete! By midnight everybody would be so stinking drunk that the concept of the rest of the world not being their tomorrow morning would be totally inconsequential. Come on Humpty Doo there is still time to put out the welcome mat!

One end of the world event that is definitely going ahead is the Mu-Meson Archives “Is ThisDoomsday?” screening on Friday 21 from 7.30pm at their Annandale HQ (rear of the King Furniture Building at Trafalgar and Parramatta Rd). Get the full dope on the Mayan calendar, witness some amazing footage, enjoy helpful hints to see you through the apocalypse and win a complete survivalist kit courtesy of Reverse Garbage. Best of all – be amongst friends and the likeminded if the world does go belly up.

THE HIT LIST: There are Christmas parties all over town but for something a bit different check out the annual ‘Sinatra Rocks the Basement’ yuletide special at the Basement this Friday 14 December. The always mercurial Jeff Duff heads an all-star cast that also features Frank Bennett, Grant Galea and the Nancy Sinatra All Stars with rocking versions of all the Sinatra classics.