‘An Ambivalent Woman of 37’: A woman’s dilemma explored

Sheila Heti’s semi-autobiographical novel, Motherhood, hit book shelves with a loud thud when it was released in mid-2019. The book became a bestseller very quickly and was critically acclaimed across the board. It so impressed dancer/ performance artist, Emma Sandall, that she bought the rights to the book in the same year and has reinterpreted it her new show, An Ambivalent Woman of 37. 

Sandall is an award-winning, internationally recognised dancer, choreographer and creator of unique, challenging works. She incorporates multiple visual and aural elements with her own dancing prowess to create theatrical experiences that move and interrogate as much as they entertain. 

An Ambivalent Woman of 37 is a mixture of her response to Motherhood, her own personal meditations on the subject of having children, and her discussions with other women. 

“All I can do is be honest to what my journey was myself, because every single person has a different journey with this subject,” Sandall explains. “It’s each individual journey that adds to the whole, and if you exclude any of those journeys — which I feel my journey is a little bit excluded — if you exclude any of those journeys you’re not getting the full picture.”

Sandall started thinking about an adaptation of sorts even before she’d secured the rights to Motherhood. She played with musical ideas around piano, percussion and cello, though she admits she’s not really a composer. 

The work has gone through several vastly different manifestations, from a play to a large piece of physical theatre. At least a dozen female artists have collaborated with Sandall on the script and music during the past five years, and each artist has had a different response to the book and to the subject of motherhood itself. Sandall believes the work won’t fully take shape until it is performed. 

“One thing I always say about this sort of work: it evolves only through friction, and it’s not until I get the friction of an audience that certain things will start popping out and revealing themselves as more important to develop.”

She does, however, have a framework now.

“I’ve come back full circle to what I envisioned when I first read the book, which was an intimate story being told with a piano and a narrator.”

In terms of the music, Sandall always had something quite particular in mind and she felt that the music of Elena Kats-Chernin would fit the bill. She and sometime dance collaborator, Paul Vasterling, started workshopping her piece with selected pieces by Kats-Chernin and it felt just right.  

Sandall got in touch with Kats-Chernin to see if she’d compose original music for her, and the composer happily obliged. They began by sending improvisations back and forth but eventually worked together more closely and in person. 

For the pianist, Sandall needed much more than just an accompanist. During the performance, Sandall and the piano player interact intensely. Sandall was fortunate enough to find and attain internationally renowned musician, Yanghee Kim, who turned out to be ideal for the role. 

“Yanghee and I are talking throughout to each other, so she has to have her lines, she has to be able to be responsive in the moment, she has to be playing in exactly the right time with the projections. The pianist’s role in this is incredibly hard…hard in the sense that it’s a theatrical role. It’s not just sit down and play a score.”

As it stands (and this is a perpetual work-in-progress) An Ambivalent Woman of 37 is a one-act piece, around 60 minutes long, comprised of dance, projections, piano music, and dialogue between Sandall and pianist, Kim.  And it is unique. 

“I haven’t seen yet, personally, a female physical theatre artist narrating her own story, essentially in a piece of physical theatre.”

An Ambivalent Woman of 37 is presented as part of Sydney Fringe. 

September 10 – 14
Addison Road Community Centre , Hut 9, 142 Addison Road, Marrickville
sydneyfringe.com/events/an-ambivalent-woman-of-37