Agents of failure to change
They’re tired of tree-huggers stealing the protest limelight – now it’s time for ‘Billionaires for Coal’ to strike back.
The impeccably-attired equipe staged a ‘congratulatory’ rally last week outside the ALP National Conference in Darling Harbour, looking to congratulate Prime Minister Kevin Rudd for his outstanding efforts in capitulating to the ‘Greenhouse Mafia’.
“We’re actually here to say thanks to the Labor Party,” said Baronessa Pink Fluff. “Usually we have coercion tactics and bribe the government, but we thought we’d come out for the day – our voice needs to be heard. There’s actually fewer billionaires in the world than environmentalists.”
Cole I Lovitt added, “Half the time, we get treated better under a Labor government than the Liberals. In fact, I was having caviar with Joe Tripodi last night, and he announced a tripling of coal exports from Newcastle. I already own a couple of mines there, but I’m looking at expanding, and it’s fantastic the ALP has been so helpful.”
A group like the Billionaires didn’t get where they are today by failing to be proactive, so they wrote Mr Rudd a cheque for the sum of “$Whatever it takes”, to ensure Australia maintains its status as one of the world’s leading agents of failure to change on emissions reduction.
-By Shant Fabricatorian
