THE NAKED CITY – BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE GONGS
Image: The "Rainbow Region" in full colour for Lismore's Tropical Fruits (Photo: Miles Heffernan)
Every now and then the NSW State Library puts some its cherished artefacts on public display, like old colonial paintings, convict leg irons and ancient handwritten books. In recent months it’s also chosen to exhibit a tiny Gold Logie, won by Maggie Tabberer way back in the early 70s. Amongst the other precious and often priceless items it looks strangely out of place – in fact it looks down right crummy!
It’s the sort of thing you wouldn’t even look at twice at a trash and treasure market unless you were in the market for a $2 door stop. These days the actual Gold Logie ‘statue’ has been upgraded with at least a bit of gold plated bling, but it still resembles something that would not be out of place in an episode of Gumby. As for the actual awards ceremony itself, it’s always been a kind of poor man’s Emmys, plagued by accusations of rigged voting, MC meltdowns and celebrities behaving badly at the notorious alcohol and substance fuelled after-parties.
This year’s nominees for the prized gold plated Gumby are a grab bag indeed, although they do perhaps reflect a curious diversity of talent within the local TV industry. Waleed Aly, Carrie Bickmore, Scott Cam, Essie Davis, Grant Denyer and Lee Lin Chin will battle it out on Sunday May 8 in the gaudy splendour of Packer’s Crown Palladium. If bookmaker odds are any indication, Waleed is a hot favourite at $1.20 with Scott Cam the rank outside at $34.
But what about the real unsung talent on Australian TV, the men and women who fill up countless hours of screen time across the digital spectrum and are never rewarded with so much as a slap on the back. Forget about the so called personalities listed above – here’s our choice for the bona fide fourteen carat solid Gold Logie nominees of 2016:
THE BAMBILLO PILLOW MAN: We don’t even known his name but the young Asian guy who does the Bambillo memory foam pillow informercial, currently all over the morning shows like a rash, is nothing short of genius. His level of enthusiasm is unmatched in the world of TV marketing and his rapid fire delivery is an art form in its own right. Anybody who can wax lyrical about a bloody pillow for three to four minutes absolutely non stop deserves the highest accolade. Give the kid his own show please!
ANDREW BOLT: The best thing about Andrew Bolt’s show, The Bolt Report, is that it’s no longer on free to air TV (although it will supposedly be resurrected on Sky in May). We nominate Andrew for the golden gong, simply for his absence, but should he dare return, all bets are off!
THE CREW FROM PSYCHIC TV: Boasting ‘the most respected psychics in the world’ but with the disclaimer ‘this service is for entertainment purposes only’, the men and women of late night Psychic TV have perfected the art of pitching bullshit and holding prospective punters on their paid phone lines for as long as possible. If Donald Trump can fool millions of Americans, then they too deserve to be taken seriously. Next week’s Powerball numbers please!
DARYL SOMMERS: In case you haven’t noticed, Daryl Somers is back on Nine with a show entitled You’re Back In The Room, in which hypnotized contestants shove their faces into cream pies. A nomination here because at least the lowest common denominator is now firmly defined – the standard by which all other shows on Australian TV can only be rated better!
