THE NAKED CITY – with Miss Death, Jay Katz and Coffin Ed
THE DOOMSDAY FRANCHISE!
It’s now a couple of weeks since Sydney was enveloped in that enormous sinister cloud of choking red dust and the Daily Telegraph roared “DOOMSDAY” – wildly tossing around phrases like “Life On Mars, Post-Apocalyptic and the Red Dawn”.
While a number of people were hospitalised and the early morning peak hour was thrown into even more chaos than usual, all in all it’s fair to say that Sydney embraced this phenomenon with both a face mask and a feather duster. Joggers continued to jog, early morning swimmers braved the eerie beachside blackout and alfresco coffee drinkers simply stirred the omnipresent dust into the depths of their café lattes. Good Lord, some are even suggesting it become an annual event although the forces of nature are not that easily manipulated. It might sound like a totally absurd scenario but here at the Naked City we believe there is enormous kudos (and dollars) to be reaped from the Doomsday association.
Followers of the Mayan Calendar will be familiar with the prediction that the end of the world as we know it is scheduled for December 21, 2012, preceded by a series of massive portentous cataclysms. And speaking of such, we are all painfully aware that the State Government, in furious competition with its Southern counterpart, is continually looking to promote “the big event” and hey, what could be bigger than the end of humanity itself?
Back in 1959 when Ava Gardner was in Melbourne to film the movie On the Beach she is reported to have said: “On the Beach is a story about the end of the world, and Melbourne sure is the right place to film it.” It’s since been suggested that she never made such a statement so Sydney, now is the chance to appropriate that accolade.
“Sydney – Doomsday City – Your Gateway To The Apocalypse” – you have to admit it has a ring to it, like the sound of a million cash registers and already event planners and promoters are hustling to get a piece of the action. We are the harbour city and should it all come to a crashing halt then we have to make the best of our most saleable attraction. Whether it’s camping out on Cockatoo Island, hiring an “animal” boat for the day or simply setting up a deckchair at Circular Quay, almost everybody will be geared up to get their own front row seat to the apocalypse. The remainder get to watch it on HD Digital.
International visitors will flock to Sydney with hotels, and even backpackers, offering a series of exclusive “doomsday packages” – the only condition being that all room charges, including the mini bar, be paid up front. Nobody will really care if you trash your room or make off with a bath robe or two. Just don’t expect any room service after the doomsday clock strikes twelve.
Back in the 1920s the Star Amphitheatre was built at Balmoral by an organisation known as the Order of the Star in the East who followed the teachings of J Krishnamurti. Rumour persisted that Krishnamurti, in his role as World Teacher, was going to walk on water through the Sydney Heads prior to addressing a gathering of followers at the amphitheatre. Over the years the urban myth has grown to suggest that the Balmoral Amphitheatre was a kind of premium seating for the Second Coming, where the chosen few would gather to witness an event of truly momentous importance.
Fully rebuilt we believe the Amphitheatre would be the perfect VIP lounge for celebrities, selected world leaders and Sydney’s coveted A list, all assembled to witness the end of the world in December 2012. As a giant tsunami flooded through the Sydney Heads and the daddy of all dust clouds shut out the daylight from above, glasses of Dom Perignon would be raised in a final toast to Armageddon.
In the meantime, we’ll be on the first bus out to anywhere – maybe some godforsaken outback town that city folks like to refer to as “the end of the world”!
THE HIT LIST:
- Miss Death Art Exhibition – Opening Thursday, October 1 – Reverse Garbage 8/142 Addison Rd, Marrickville: Continuing her relationship with Reverse Garbage, Miss Death has constructed this exhibition entirely from recyclable materials -celebrating Mexico’s day of the dead, Secret Societies and their symbols, the side show freak and much more. www.reversegarbage.org.au
- Found Foot Rampage – Friday, October 9 at 7.30pm – Mu-Meson Archives: The Found Footage Festival is an exhibition and celebration of the finest in found footage art. It features odd and hilarious clips from videotapes found at thrift stores and garage sales and in warehouses and dumpsters throughout the USA. Curators Geoff Haas and Joe Pickett host each screening and provide their unique observations and commentary on these found video obscurities. All new program.
- The Festival Of Dangerous Ideas – Sat 3 and Sun 4, October – Sydney Opera House: An incredible lineup of guest speakers including Christopher Hitchens, Dambisa Moyo, Germaine Greer and Gary Foley but we particularly like the Soapabox section in the forecourt from midday on Saturday when you could have your two minutes of fame ranting on the subject of your choice. www.sydneyoperahouse.com
Miss Death, Jay Katz and Coffin Ed present The Naked City every Saturday between 10am and midday on FBi 94.5FM. Email them with your comments, gigs, events etc at: thenakedcity@fbiradio.com
