THE NAKED CITY – with Miss Death, Jay Katz and Coffin Ed

THE SHOWBAG IN A BAG WITHIN ANOTHER BAG!

It’s show time out at Homebush and whilst the current venue has proved a great success there are still many who long for the old style Royal Easter at Moore Park. It’s now well over a decade since the show moved from the old Sydney Showground and the site appropriated by Fox Studios.

Back in the 50s and 60s sideshow alley was one of the biggest attractions and not just an afterthought with gravity defying high tech rides as it is today. There were boxing tents, a Pygmy Revue, freak shows and a very low tech Ghost Train.

Even the old style showbags were infinitely superior. For starters they were made of paper with sturdy string handles, not like the nasty plastic shopping bags of today. For many years sample bags were actually free and when they did start charging they were always chock full of goodies, like the Jolly Jumbo Liquorice Bag which packed enough ammunition to have a family running to the outhouse for a week.

These days show bags seem to have lost all that innocent charm but wait there is still time to do something about it, if not for this year, then certainly for next. Here’s a Naked City wish list of showbags we would like to see:

The Tony Abbott Climate Change Is Bullshit Bag: Comes complete with an unsigned remaindered copy of “Battlelines”, a pair of edible Speedos, and a set of Lord Monckton pop out eyes.

The Zen Concept Bag: Open the bag and there’s another bag inside and in that bag another bag and in that yet another bag, The bag is in fact an endless succession of bags within and bound to have the kiddies bamboozled but deep in philosophical thought.

The Aussie Kid Obesity Bag: Why bother with the finished product when the ingredients can be just as tasty. Complete with a kilo of sugar, a kilo of animal fat, a tub or lard and a junior chemical set of preservatives and artificial colours. DYI has never been more deadly.

The Clover Moore Sustainable Future Bag:  With six edible and fully  biodegradable chokers (assorted flavours), a throwaway guide to the villages of Sydney and a personal invitation to the Woolies in George Street demolition party (byo jack hammer).

The City Metro Nostalgia Bag: Train buffs will love the wads of useless designer tickets and timetables to nowhere as well as the three metres of PVC piping so you can build you own mini metro in the backyard (ferrets not included).