BERNER ON BERNER ON…

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Peter Berner started his stand up career in the late eighties. He hosted the first episode of TV’s BackBerner in 1999 and has just finished a six-year run as host of The Einstein Factor on the ABC. Berner has also hosted programs on radio station Triple M, and has appeared on numerous other TV programs. This month he turns up on stage at the Parade Theatre – NIDA for a stand up show called “Binge Thinker…”

Peter Berner you’re special subject is Peter Berner and your time starts now…

No sweat.

When were you born?

I was born in 1963. I’m an Aquarius. I have no real idea what that means. But in the middle of a water shortage I’m not sure it’s a good thing.

Where were you born?

Singapore

So, you’re a foreigner?

At first, but I became an Australian citizen in 1973.

What took you so long?

Dad forgot to put me on the form when he registered the rest of the family.

What do you do in your spare time?

I like to draw; and to paint; and to complain…mainly about how lots of other comics have better careers than me.

Do you believe in God?

Uh, no. I was brought up to say my prayers and went to church and Sunday school and the rest…but I’ve done all I can with shame and guilt. Besides, I haven’t got the energy to put in to an afterlife. It would drive me nuts being happy all the time.

What’s your worst trait?

Loafing. I would love to have the laser like focus and drive of Tiger Woods…hell, I’d settle for his putting game.

Is being a comedian ‘fun’?

Well if you do a good job people laugh at you…so that is strangely satisfying and contradictory to everything anyone ever said to me growing up. To be taken seriously as a comic people must laugh at you. I enjoy that.

What can people expect from your stand up show “Binge Thinker”? Will it be an hour with the delightful host of the Einstein Factor?

No. No it won’t. That’s important for people to understand. This show will contain adult themes, occasional coarse language and mild sex scenes. So, I guess it’ll be like the Einstein Factor if it was on Channel Nine (while Kerry Packer was still alive).

Let me ask you this…it seems to me that it’s very easy to sit on the sidelines and take pot shots at the players. But what if someone handed you the ball and told you to get into the game? What would you do then?

Sorry? Are the scientists at the Pond’s Institute angry at me for making fun of them? My job is to be a smart arse on the sidelines. I am the professional heckler. I have no special qualifications (Berner does have a Diploma in Fine Art, but well-informed sources close to him say he still struggles to draw a hand).

I thought so.

What’s that supposed to mean?

Why should we care what you think?

I don’t know. I’m here to make people laugh. At the end of the day why did anyone start caring what Jesus thought? Obviously having 12 mates who talk about you all the time and a book deal helped.

Am I to understand you’re comparing yourself to Jesus, now? Who do you think you are John Lennon? Are you, in fact, a left leaning pinko, as has been suggested on blogs, because of your association with the national broadcaster?

My politics are…

Are you available for children’s parties?

Pardon?

That’s the buzzer and the end of your special subject round.

What?